Sorry it's been a while. Blogging just isn't a priority at the moment, although I'd like to turn that round again as it doesn't take long and it's been really great to be able to share and document our journey.
So, massive massive change is just a few weeks away. Squib will start preschool 4 days per week and I'm going back to work. Admittedly I will only be teaching 6 hours, but that's over 4 days so it will feel like a lot more, especially with parents' meetings, reports and planning. It's the start of a new era and I'm pretty scared. I'm mostly scared because I've never worn so many hats before or juggled so many plates. And it's not like I'm juggling crappy plastic plates, they are all pretty important, delicate ones! I've been a full time teacher, wife, daughter and friend before, but I've never been a teacher, mummy, wife, daughter and friend and that feels like rather a lot. I shouldn't moan as I'm lucky enough to be working part time and I'm not moaning! I'm quite excited to be able to put my professional hat back on and maybe spend a small part of the day without play dough under my finger nails and paint on my clothes. But I don't think work is going to feel quite the same.
We spent a long time choosing Squib's pre-school and we are really happy with it. It's small and nurturing and feeds in to her primary school. I think if I wasn't sending her to pre-school for her own benefit I would be struggling a lot more with leaving her. I don't feel guilty about it as it's the first, necessary step on her journey into schooling in this country. We don't want to home school her as she loves other kids and loves routines and rituals....I suspect that once she's got the hang of it she's going to really love pre-school and school. I hope so anyway.
Squib has grown so much lately, both physically and emotionally. She's hit above 98th centile for both height and weight and she's just full of strength and vitality. Whether she's tearing about on her scooter or riding her bike round the kitchen, she's full of mischief and fun. Every day she makes me laugh and gives me something to feel proud of! She's recently started doing very theatrical little bows whenever anyone congratulates her which is very funny! When I look back at photographs from a year ago I just can't believe my eyes. She oozes a cheeky confidence and at the moment, is just so happy. She's managing to negotiate relationships with other children which is so wonderful to watch. I love watching her and her little friends communicating and playing together.
They say pride comes before a fall. And I am really proud of her, but with all her outrageous scamping she has had more than her fair share of falls so I'm not too worried! She's always covered in bruises but her paediatrician told us that it's a good thing as it shows she's out there and having fun!
I've been so privileged over the past year and a half. Its coming up to the date when we formally adopted her. I think we will go out for dinner and maybe buy some new clothes for Bob the monkey (we adopted him on the same day) as I want Squib to get a sense that these milestones are special to us, that they are meaningful and important, that she is important.
We left Squib with my parents at the weekend so we could go shopping.... we have never done such a thing before! And she was chipper as anything...perfectly happy to wave us off, and very cheerful to see us again. Brilliant! I wasn't even worried! My mum is an ex-teacher child whisperer type, but even without her special talents, I feel like these attachments we worried about so much and which were so fragile, are now pretty strong. With the court date anniversary comes the time when Squib will have been with us longer than she was without us, and that's a special thing. I've been going on about her life like a cake for a long time, about how big the slice was that she was with us....it'll be pretty awesome when we get to the point where our life with Squib becomes the biggest slice!
And when I start to worry about going back to work I just have to zoom out and look at the broader picture of my life. And that's what blogging does for me...why did I leave it so long?! I'm so bloody lucky! I have a wife who loves me, a family who supports me, a fantastic bunch of friends, a lovely home in a wonderful place and a seriously awesome kid! Ah, the clarity of seeing things like that in black and white is just so refreshing!
I'll try not to leave it so long next time!